It’s
not all sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll: The lighter side of the
porn industry
by Troy Michael
Everyone
watches porn films for one reason or another. Mainly people want
to see sexy girls getting fucked on film. But sometimes it is
not all glitz and glamour or hot fucking and sucking as the
films lead you to believe.
There are moments that are
outrageous, embarrassing and just down right hilarious. This
part of the porn sets is never seen by anyone except for those
lucky enough to be on hand.
We know it takes a lot to make a
porn film come to life. It has to be to be hot and sexy for
their viewer to jack or jill off to. But in reality there are a
lot of things going on behind the scenes we, as viewers of porn,
aren’t privy to see.
I gathered together a list of
some of my favorite porn stars to ask them some of their most
outrageous or embarrassing moments on the set.
Brandon
Iron: One of the most
outrageous things that have happened recently occurred during
the shooting of Baker’s Dozen #2. As everyone knows, a
"baker's dozen" Is when you get 13 of something instead of 12.
For this series, it means a girl
gets fucked by one guy before she sucks off another 12. The
result is a baker's dozen of cumshots on her face!
I was shooting Missy Monroe and
went out of my way to call as many good guys as possible. I
always call more than I need just to make sure I am covered.
You don't want less than a dozen to show up. Imagine my
surprise when about 40 guys are on set looking at Missy like she
is a piece of meat.
Word had got out about the shoot
and guys brought friends, etc. We were clearly outnumbered and
this mob could have totally taken over! Nothing bad
Happened....other than Missy's face getting plastered with
enough cum to make a mask.
Brittany Andrews:
I am never really embarrassed by
anything. But there was this one time. I was doing a shoot for a
phone sex ad with Taylor St. Claire and another girl. I was in
the back flip position with my pussy high in the air and the
shoot took a long time. So when we went to rest I let out the
biggest queef God ever made. There was actually this wooshing
sound that blew Taylor’s hair back – that is how bad it was. I
turned completely red. But Taylor – God love her, she is the
sweetest girl – she said it was no big deal and didn’t care at
all. She understood.
Cindy Crawford:
I was filming a film for Coast to Coast Video earlier in my
career and was doing a boy/girl scene. The scene was awesome
until it came time for the "pop shot.” The male talent (which
shall remain nameless due to extreme humiliation factors) went
to the bathroom, and came back with his hand bunched in a fist.
The director who was Jim Lane, yelled action and the male talent
squeezed his fist and a white thick substance exploded from his
hand. Not believing what we were seeing, the director replayed
the tape in slow motion to reveal that the male talent had
filled up a small balloon with lotion and pretended to cum on my
face. When asked why (through bursts of laughter), he had faked
a cum shot, he replied "I had sex with my wife twice this
morning and wasted my jizz"
Gauge: Probably the most outrages
thing I've done in porn is my anal handstand. It was my idea for
a Tom Zupko film called the Abyss. It was like a
gymnastics move with Brian Sherwood and some stupid fucker I
don’t remember. The most embarrassing thing is when I threw up
all over Billy Glide, and the crew. He has a big cock and I
think it punched out my gagger!! Everyone, including me was
grossed out. But we cleaned everything up and continued on. Shit
happens and you know!
Jacklyn Lick:
One time, I was working for
Jimmy D and he had been teasing Ian Daniels about putting
clothes pins on his balls. Jimmy had told Ian that he wanted to
try it on him to see how someone reacted to it. Ian just kept
saying, "NO WAY!!” So, during my scene with Ian, Jimmy began
handing me clothes pin, just one at a time. And Ian is going
to town on me, and doesn't even notice. By the time Ian finally
looks at me (and we are having some great sex at the time, by
the way), I'm holding about four or five clothes pins in each
hand. I never had a guy jump off of me faster.
Jewel De’Nyle:
Well in my last movie I did my
first double vag sex scene and I squealed like a pig- it made
everyone laugh. Or in my last movie I had a runny ass
all over Julian and Sean Michaels so it was really embarrassing
since it was my last scene of my career I had to go and shit on
everyone.
Kelly Erikson:
My most embarrassing moment in
porn was the filming of The Getaway for Metro. In a scene
with Julian, at the end of the scene when he came I was laying
on my back ready for it to blow all over my face. When he did it
all went directly up my nose, I laid there trying not to laugh
as cum bubbles were coming out of my nose. You can actually see
it on the DVD. From then on I try to make sure the aim is away
from my nose.
Layla Jade:
I was in London doing a personal
appearance at a TV show called 'Diners'. We were walking along
cobble stones to the restaurant where the show was to be filmed
and I was wearing five-inch heels and fake hair. I slipped and
fell. Unfortunately it was in front of about 100 people who were
outside waiting to go into the restaurant and be a part of the
show. As I slipped, I fell to the ground and my hair flew off my
head and up into the air! My security guy never managed to catch
me. It was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life!
Lucy Thai:
I would have to say when T.T.
Boy almost sent me home from a shoot because he was so convinced
that I was my sister Nyla Thai posing as me.
Mary Carey:
Everyone who knows me knows I tend to fart a lot. But when I
first started doing movies for Kick Ass Pictures, the company I
am under contract with the photographer and director did not
know. As I was doing the intros for Mary Carey Rules 1,
my first Kick Ass pictures movie, and first boy/girl scene I let
out a huge, loud, fart. It was very embarrassing and I think it
ended up on the bloopers of the movie. Now I have made it a
habit to always fart during my intros and I know in the bloopers
for Mary Carey Rules 3, my directorial debut I let out a
great fart. So there you have it, Mary Carey has gas problems.
Renee Pornero:
I
remember when I did a scene for John Strong. It was a speciality
video about ass cream pies, stuff that I actually really like to
do. He asked me if I possibly could squeeze the juice out of my
butt, so everbody can see that he came in my ass. Since I
already did a DP scene before that one specific scene, I
actually didn’t have my muscles under control that much anymore.
Besides that, I wasn’t sure if I could do it since I wasn’t a
good gaper by that time neither.
Anyway, I promised
to give my best. So right after he came in my ass while fucking
me doggy style, he pulled his cock out and told the camera guy
to take a close up of the cum dripping out of my hole.
So I really tried
hard to push all that cum out. It went pretty well but John said
there should be more in there, so I pushed one more time as hard
as I could and besides that weird farting noise my butt made,
all the cum, thespit and the lube and whatever else was in my
butt by then, landed all over the camera guy including his tool.
The lens was
covered with drops what actually made a really good realistic
picture. But the camera guy wasn’t happy about that at all.
Everybody was laughing and congratulating me besides him. It was
a little embarrassing but fact is, that shot absolutely made the
scene.
Seka:
While doing a love scene, I was
with Mike Ranger, we were doing our thing and Mike let the
cameraman know it was time for the money shot. That being done
the director called cut and everyone started walking away. Well,
I was not done not by a long shot, so Mike and I just told
everyone to leave the room and when we were done we would let
them know so that they could come back in and finish shooting
the rest of the scene. So we finished or I finished and we
decided to sit around bullshitting for a while, had a couple of
smokes and a little nap before they were told that they could
return.
Skeeter Kerkove:
The most outrageous things I
have encountered are the two that follow: Putting 103 chopsticks
in my wife’s ass, the multi award winning Bridgette Kerkove.
The other time was when I had Bridgette doing double anal with
Ben English and Jay Ashley in an undisclosed location, the
police came on the set because I was shooting without a permit.
The police had never seen two dicks in a girl’s ass before,
luckily I was not arrested and they allowed me to finish the
scene as long as they could stay and watch!
Summer Haze:
I was performing with Nick
Manning in a Screw My Wife Please series for Bobby
Rinaldi and Wildlife Productions.
This is a great series where the
supposed husband of the married woman gives his wife to the male
porn star to turn her into a star herself, well this guy they
used as my husband was a total goofball and must have had a
drink before he came to work because he was so nutty.
We are in the middle of doing
this great scene me and Nick is on the pool table and this guy
is in my face yelling stupid things like "you’re an animal!!!
Give it to her ...your an animal!! This went on for about ten
minutes. Finally I got so fed up with him yelling in my face
that I stopped and yelled loudly "shut the fuck up I’m trying to
concentrate asshole"!!! I must have startled him to where he
jumped out of my face and backward. He fell into the glass
sliding door face first, like he was trying to walk through it
thinking it was open. Everyone was dying with laughter and Bobby
is on the other side of the sliding glass door with his head in
his hands laughing so hard. Then says “God I am glad I don’t
have to pay him for that!
Sunset Thomas:
One time doing a scene with a
girl and a guy, she was giving him a blow job and I was doing
her when her pussy started farting and juice got all over my
face.
Another time, I was hanging
upside down in a tree giving this guy a blow job and when they
flipped me back over I got dizzy and couldn't standup and fell
down. Everyone got a good laugh at me.
Tera Patrick:
I was doing a scene with Savannah Samson and Spyder Jonez for
Tera Tera Tera! It was a three-way scene where I was getting
fucked by Spyder with me and Savannah ending up on a double dong
together. Mouths open eagerly awaiting his cumshot.
As he stood on the bed, the
first and second squirts went clear over our heads and hit the
camerawoman all over her chest and arm. I had to remain composed
and slurp up the rest. After we cut, we were all laughing about
it but I am not sure the cameraperson was.
Porn’s
top 25 play on Hollywood Films
By Troy
Michael (in alphabetical order)
1. A
Clitmas Carol - A Christmas Carol
2. A
Rim With A View - A Room With a View
3. A
Time to Squeal -A Time To Kill
4. Ass
Wide Open - Eyes Wide Open
5.
Catcher on the Thigh - Catcher on the Rye
6.
Dances With Orifices – Dancing With Wolves
7.
Dazed and Cuntfused - Dazed and Confused
8.
Florence Hump – Forrest Gump
9. The Genitals Daughter - The Generals Daughter
1.
Good Will Humping - Good Will Hunting
11.
Hunchback of Nasty Dames - Hunchback of Notre Dame
12. I
Dream of Queenie - I Dream of Jeannie
13.
Lifestyles of the Tits and Anus - Life Styles of the Rich
and Famous
14.
One Fell Into the Poo Poo's Nest - One Flew Over the
Cuckoo's Nest
15. Of
Mice and Menopause - Of Mice and Men
16.
San Fernando Jones and the Temple of Poon - Indiana Jones
and the Temple of Doom
17.
Sgt Pecker's Lonely Hearts Club Gang Bang - Sgt Peppers
Lonely Hearts Club Band
18.
Sex in the Shitty - Sex in the City
19.
Shitty Shitty Bang Bang - Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
20.
Snatch Adams - Patch Adams
21.
Swallowed in 60 Seconds - Gone in 60 Seconds
22.
Tits A Wonderful Life - It's A Wonderful Life
23.
War and Piece of Ass - War and Peace
24.
Wizard of Ooze - Wizard of Oz
25.
Yank My Doodle, It's a Dandy - Yankee Doodle Dandy
From
the Vault: The Classixxx
A
League of Their Own - A League of Their Moans
An
Officer and a Gentleman - An Officer and a Gentleman and
another Officer
Bright
Lights , Big Cities Bright lights, Big Titties
Edward
Scissorhands - Edward Penishands
Honey,
I Shrunk the Kids - Honey I Blew...Everybody!
Interview With a Vampire - Intercourse with a Vampire
On
Golden Pond - On Golden Blonde
Romancing the Stone - Romancing the Bone
Sleepless in Seattle - Sheepless in Montana
Star
Wars - Star Whores
Terminator - Sperminator
What
About Boob - What About Bob
Where
the Boys Are - Where the Boys Aren't
